教你托福作文“瘦身术”和托福写作用词常见错误分析

　　表达受中文影响的问题

　　英语和汉语表达有区别，如果在英语写作中套汉语思维，就是中式化英语的表现。这只能使文章语言蹩脚、冗赘。所以考生在平时阅读英语材料和练习写作时，要注意英语表达和汉语表达的差别，切忌在写作中硬套汉语思维。

　　1、Original: If we agree to say that school offers us the best book knowledge acquisition then our society offers us the best surviving techniques in a hard way.

　　Revised: If we agree that school offers the best method for the acquisition of book knowledge, then our society offers us the best method for acquiring common sense or “street smarts”.

　　Agree to say that表达中式化，只需要agree that即可;the best book knowledge acquisition改为the best method for the acquisition of book knowledge(学校给我们提供了获取书本知识的最好方法)更为恰当，同样，后面的the best surviving techniques改为the best method for acquiring common sense...;加上street marks(街头智慧)给文章的词汇增添色彩。

　　2、Original: They can spend more time studying education and communication to improve their role as a mother, wifes and daughter.

　　Revised: They can also decide to spend more time studying, education themselves, in order to improve themselves in their roles as mothers, wives and daughters.

　　原句中studying education and communication的说法中式化，不符合英语的表述，应该为studying，educating themselves。除了词语表达，此句中还存在其他问题，如名词单复数的使用：不是提高他们的角色，而是提高他们自身以扮演好母亲角色。还有，女性不止一个人。很多人都在扮演母亲角色，role和mother应用复数，故将improve their role as a mother改为improve themselves in their roles as mother;同样，为保持一致，wife和daughter也可用复数，原文中wife的复数写法有误，应该是wives。

　　3、Original：If you can get the point of communication by watching TV，will you...?

　　Revised：If one can learn about communicating from television，will you...?

　　原句的get the point of communication by watching TV表达不清，让人难以理解，应该是指“从电视上学习交际”：learn about communicating from television

　　对于托福写作来说，长句可能会出现更多的错误，考生如果一味最求复杂的句子和高难的语法来争取高分，有可能会得不偿失。其实，一篇简单有力的托福作文，可能更能让评卷老师眼前一亮。

　　一、选择比较实际实用的单词，不用空洞的词汇

　　1. 一些空洞的单词或词组根本不能为句子带来任何相关的或重要的信息，完全可以被删掉。比如下面的句子：

　　When all things are considered, young adults of today live more satisfying lives than those of their parents, in my opinion.

　　这句话当中的“when all things are considered”和“in my opinion“都显得多余。完全可以去掉。改为：

　　Young adults of today live more satisfying lives than their parents.

　　2. 有些空洞和繁琐的表达方式可以进行替换，例如：

　　Due to the fact that our grandparents were under an obligation to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have at this point in time.

　　“due to the fact that”就是一个很典型的繁琐的表达方式的例子，可以替换，简化为下面的表达方式：

　　Because our grandparents were obligated to help their parents, they did not have the options that young people have now.

　　托福写作中经常会犯的22个小错误

　　二、尽量减少重复，不要太啰嗦

　　1. 尽量避免重复使用同样的词汇。或者有的时候虽然词汇没有重复，但意思却有重复。这时候可以做一些简化的工作。例如下面这个例子：

　　The farm my grandfather grew up on was large in size.

　　large 对一个farm来说就是size方面的large，所以in size可以去掉，改为：

　　The farm my grandfather grew up on was large.

　　更简洁的表达方式为：

　　My grandfather grew up on a large farm.

　　2. 有时一个词组可以用一个更简单的单词来替换，例如：

　　My grandfather has said over and over again that he had to work on his parents’ farm.

　　这里的over and over again就可以改为repeatedly，显得更为简洁：

　　My grandfather has said repeatedly that he had to work on his parents’ farm.

　　三、相关语法要选择最恰当的表达方式

　　选择合适的语法结构可以使句子意思的表达更为精确和简练。虽然语法的多样性也很重要，但选择最恰当的语法结构仍然是更为重要的考虑因素。以下，朗阁海外考试研究中心将推荐几种考生们在考虑选择何种语法结构时可以参考的原则：

　　1. 一个句子的主语和谓语动词应该能够反映句子中的最重要的意思。例如：.

　　The situation that resulted in my grandfather’s not being able to study engineering was that his father needed help on the farm.

　　从意思上来分析，上面这句话需要表达的重要的概念是“grandfather’s not being able to study”，而在表达这个概念时，原句用的主语是situation，谓语动词是was，不能强调需要表达的重点概念，可以改为下面这句话：

　　My grandfather couldn’t study engineering because his father needed help on the farm.

　　2. 避免频繁使用“there be”结构，例如下面的句子：

　　There were 25 cows on the farm that my grandfather had to milk every day. It was hard work for my grandfather.

　　可以改为：My grandfather worked hard. He had to milk 25 cows on the farm every day.

　　更简洁的句式为：

　　My grandfather worked hard milking 25 cows daily.

　　3. 把从句改为短语或单词。例如：

　　Dairy cows were raised on the farm, which was located100 kilometers from the nearest university and was in an area that was remote.

　　简介的表达方式为：

　　The dairy farm was located in a remote area, 100 kilometers to the nearest university.

　　4. 仅在需要强调宾语而不是主语的时候，才使用被动语态。例如：

　　In the fall, not only did the cows have to be milked, but also the hay was mowed and stacked by my grandfather’s family.

　　本句不够简洁的原因是本句的重心应该是“忙碌的家庭-my grandfather’s family”，而使用了被动语态后，仿佛重心变成了cows和hay。下面的表达方式是主动语态，相对来说更简洁一些：

　　In the fall, my grandfather’s family not only milked the cow but also mowed and stacked the hay.

　　5. 用更为精确的一个动词来代替动词短语，例如下面这句话：

　　My grandfather didn’t have time to stand around doing nothing with his school friends.

　　Stand around doing nothing其实可以用一个动词来表达，即loiter：

　　My grandfather didn’t have time to loiter with his school friends.

　　6. 有时两句话的信息经过组合完全可以用一句话来简练地表达，例如：

　　Profits from the farm were not large. Sometimes they were too small to meet the expenses of running a farm. They were not sufficient to pay for a university degree.

　　两句话的信息可以合并为下面这句更为简洁的句子：

　　Profits from the farm were sometimes too small to meet operational expenses, let alone pay for a university degree.

　　简单并不代表没有难度，一篇好的托福作文，必须逻辑清晰、词汇和句式运用恰当。如果考生对长句没有太大的把握，那么不妨拆成更有把握的短句，一样能获得高分。

 

教你托福作文“瘦身术”和托福写作用词常见错误分析的延伸阅读——新托福写作一次通关技巧之无所不能辩

 

　　解决了上一个托福写作问题之后，学生仍然可能会有思绪梗阻的现象。这是极颇正常的。例如，在斗劲A和B的时辰，说了一段撑持A之后发现，意矣闽不雅概念。这个原则我叫做“口角正反说”，或者叫“有利原则”，即一切评价取决于评价者所站立场。

   再想不到撑持A的例子，也先不到否决B的例子，反而想到几个撑持A的例子，甚至是撑持B的例子。凡是如不美观有A+或者B-，文章的结构是斗劲直接浩撇的。但问题就是只有A-和B+的时辰。若何继续撑持A？

　　选择继续撑持A的原因有良多，可能因为前面基调已定无法改削，亦可能所有论点斗劲一下，没有任何一方有压服性优势，撑持A撑持B城市碰着上述问题，即直接可用的论点不足。亦可能是作者主不美观上就是想撑持A即便例子一下想不全。

其解决方案无非有二。其一是坦荡托福考生思绪。确保他们能想到足够多的分论点以供使用。这点可以经由过程万能理由，破题体例，段履睁开等等手段来达到。但我们仍需要年夜其它角度再供给备选方案。方案二就是，若何变废为宝，若何口角倒置。换言之，攻讦你能否不说你的错误谬误，而改为报复你的利益？撑持我是否可以不说我的利益，而转为回嘴我的劣势？这样理论上，无论你想到的论点是A+, A-,B+,B-, 我们都可以用它们来撑持肆。