每日一首Sonnet (42)

XLII

1.That thou hast her itis not all my grief,
2. And yet it may be said I loved her dearly;
3. That she hath thee is of my wailing chief,
4. A loss in love that touches me more nearly.
5. Loving offenders thus I will excuse ye:
6. Thou dost love her, because thou know'st I love her;
7. And for my sake even so doth she abuse me,
8. Suffering my friend for my sake to approve her.
9. If I lose thee, my loss is my love's gain,
10. And losing her, my friend hath found that loss;
11. Both find each other, and I lose both twain,
12. And both for my sake lay on me this cross:
13. But here's the joy; my friend and I are one;
14. Sweet flattery! then she loves but me alone.

Commentary:

This is thelast in the trilogy of sonnetsdevoted to the youth's betrayal of the poet by stealing his mistress.Itwas traditional that the sonneteer should find excuses for thebeloved'sbehaviour. Her purity (for it was usually a woman) and innaccesibilitywerepart of a higher ideal and she could not bend herself to earthly love.Thepoet therefore had to justify her aloofness and her cold chastity.
Here the poet has tojustify infidelity, a farmore difficult task, and set against the background that the belovedshouldbe irreproachable, the traditions of sonnet writing are wittilyparodied.
Nevertheless therelingers a bitter aftertaste,for despite all the sophistry of excuse and justification, the poet isleftto mull over his loss, and the joy and sweet flattery which he claimstofind in the concluding couplet ring hollow. They sound very much likegratuitousand foolish self deception. The beloved has everything and his lover,thepoet, must content himself with the shadow of a love, a love who hasbetrayedhim and found joy and consolation in the arms of another.

Portrait of Elizabeth I in her youth.

Note:

1. 'The fact that you now possess her is not the sole cause of my grief'. to have, in the context of a loving relationship, refers both to the oneness of love, as in line 11 and in
My true love hath my heart and I have his, (Sidney),
as well as to the physical act of coition, as in Sonn 129:
Had, having, and in quest, to have extreme.
Similarly in line 3. The tone of the poem usually indicates which, if any, meaning should predominate. Here there is a constant interchange between the two meanings, as the tide of jealousy and forgiveness ebbs and flows in the poet's mind.

2. The poet does not wish to belittle his loss. Though the main cause of his sorrow is not the loss of his mistress, as explained in the following lines, it is still not an insignificant or petty sorrow, but it is outweighed by other considerations.
dearly = with heartfelt affection; at a cost.
3. That she hath thee is of my wailing chief,            3. is of my wailing chief = is the main cause of my grief. Perhaps, as SB suggests, a reference to the chief mourner at a funeral.
wailing = sorrow.

4. A loss in love - loss and love are the two key words of this poem. loss and its cognates occur six times. There are seven occurrences of love and its cognates. The two are thus fairly evenly balanced, as if one brings the other in its train, but love slightly predominates.
nearly = grievously, deeply, close to my heart.

5. Loving offenders = sinful lovers; loving sinners. The phrase encapsulates the psychological difficulty of maintaining a relationship with the two participants. The word offenders is used in Sonn 34
The offender's sorrow lends but weak relief
To him that bears the strong offence's cross
and this echoes line 12 of this sonnet. How can one forgive the loving offenders who have committed this strong offence? (Although cross in Sonn 34 is an emendation for loss). At the same time in the phrase loving offenders there is probably a suggestion of the proverbial good will which lovers enjoy. 'All the world loves a lover', 'They are offenders, but they are in love', etc.

6. These two lines (6.7) set out the reason for excusing the betrayal. Briefly it is that both of them did it out of love for him.

7.even so = in like manner, i.e. because she knows I love you, and therefore by loving you she loves me;
abuse = deceive, maltreat, harm.

8. Suffering = allowing, permitting; but with overtones which speak of the poet's own experience of suffering caused by this liaison.
to approve her = to try her out (sexually); to give her his blessing.

9. 9-12 expand the thought put forward in 6-8.

10. And losing her = and in my losing of her.
my friend = my beloved (the young man).

11. both twain = the two together; the two individually. See the use of twain in Sonns. 36 and 39.

12. this cross = this sorrow, this anguish. The imagery is the familiar Christian one of the crucifixion, with the speaker adopting a Christ-like pose of suffering and forbearance. It could also suggest the episode of Simon of Cyrene being forced to carry the cross on the path up to Calvary, a cross which, according to tradition, he at first refused to take up.

13. The final link is placed in the chain of reasoning. Far from being a sorrow, the liaison between the poet's mistress and the beloved youth has become a source of joy.
my friend = my beloved.
one - the unity of lovers is once again stressed. It is a frequent theme in the sonnets. See 36, 39, 40.

14. The dishonest truth of the concluding couplet is underscored by the use of the word flattery, for it always carries overtones of deception, either of another, by false praise, or of oneself, by forcing oneself to believe what one wants to believe, rather than what is true. The instances of its use in the sonnets are listed below. All of them suggest a false stance or a currying of favour, which sits ill alongside the concept of true love which the poet is trying to defend.

So flatter I the swart-complexioned night, 28

Full many a glorious morning have I seen
Flatter the mountain tops with sovereign eye, 33

Thus have I had thee, as a dream doth flatter, 87

..........that my adder's sense
To critic and to flatterer stopped are. 112

Or whether doth my mind, being crowned with you,
Drink up the monarch's plague, this flattery? 114

O! 'tis the first, 'tis flattery in my seeing, 114

And in our faults by lies we flattered be. 138