增强语句表现力的五大王牌 一、避免使用语意弱的“be”动词。 1、把句中的表语转换为不同的修饰语。例如： Weak: The trees are bare. The grass is brown. The landscape seems drab. Revision:The brown grass and bare trees form a drab landscape. (转换为前置定语) Or: The landscape, bare and brown, begged for spring green. (转换为并列结构作后置定语) 2、将作表语用的形容词或名词变为行为动词。例如： 1) Weak: The team members are good players. Revision: The team members play well. 2) Weak: One worker's plan is the elimination of tardiness. Revision: One worker's plan eliminates tardiness. 3、在以“here”或“there”开头的句子中，把“be”动词后的名词代词变成改写句的主语。例如： 1) Weak: There is no opportunity for promotion. Revision: No opportunity for promotion exists. 2) Weak: Here are the books you ordered. Revision: The books you ordered have arrived. 二、多用语意具体的动词，保持句意简洁明了。例如： 1、Poor: My supervisor went past my desk. Better: My supervisor sauntered (=walked slowly) past my desk. 2、Poor: She is a careful shopper. Better: She compares prices and quality. 三、尽量运用主动语态。例如： 1、Weak: The organization has been supported by charity. Better: Charity has supported the organization. 2、Weak: The biscuits were stacked on a plate. Better: Mother stacked the biscuits on a plate. 四、防止使用语意冗长累赘的词语。例如： 1、Wordy: My little sister has a preference for chocolate milk. Improved: My little sister prefers chocolate milk. 2、Wordy: We are in receipt of your letter and intend to follow your recommendations. Improved: We have received your letter and intended to follow your recommendation. 3、Redundant: We had a serious crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire. Improved: We had a crisis at school yesterday when our chemistry laboratory caught fire. 4、Redundant: My sister and I bought the same, identical dress in different stores. Improved: My sister and I bought the same dress in different stores. 五、杜绝滥用陈旧词语或难懂的专业术语。例如： 1、Weak: They will not agree to his proposals in any shape or form. Improved: They will not agree to any of his proposals. 2、Weak: I need her financial input before I can guesstimate our expenditures next fall. Improved: I need her financial figures before I can estimate our expenditures next fall. |
